I'm losing a friend. :'(
Feb. 28th, 2023 12:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
noblwishBack in 2016, my bestie, Wade, needed a colonoscopy and he asked me to drive him to his appointment and home again afterwards. I agreed. At the clinic, we were checked in by a friendly gentleman named Donovan. It was plain that he had a good sense of humor from the start, AND that he was "our people" -- he was wearing a ring with the Superman insignia. At one point, Wade made a silly joke about the procedure, asking them to either use TWO cameras, or else to make sure they inserted the one into his mouth, first (as opposed to his ass). Donovan chuckled and I mentioned that he must have heard that one before. He hadn't, but he had a list of several others he would frequently hear. I told him that the office staff oughta make a drinking game outta that list. He looked up from his paperwork, flashed me two beautiful blue eyes and a charming grin, pointed at me and said, "I like how you think!" I was smitten!
I complimented his ring and he told us (as he methodically went through all the paperwork, never missing a beat) that he'd once created a popular web comic and regularly attended fandom and comic conventions. Oh, yes... he was DEFINITELY our people! I noted his name on his uniform and asked a few more questions... as a former legal secretary, I have some MAD "cyber-stalking" skillz. He was very pleasant throughout and I just HAD to get to know him better.
I found him on Facebook almost right away, but I didn't act on it. It was a couple of weeks before I found an excuse to reach out. I reminded him how we met and that I'd been curious about his artwork because my film project was holding a SciFi Poster Contest... would he like to submit a poster? He was intrigued and we became FB friends. His poster wound up winning the contest! By then, we'd gotten a little better acquainted and I'd learned two things about him: 1) what street he lived on (he told me -- no stalking required) and, 2) that he liked to sing Karaoke. I invited him to join some friends and me at my fave Karaoke club, which just happened to be on the street where he lived.
That first night hanging out in a non-professional manner accomplished two things: 1) he discovered that I was several years older than he was (I don't look like I was born in the early 70s) and, 2) he called me his "best friend in Austin." *melt* I later realized that he really preferred to date women who were significantly younger, though still well above 18. I was disappointed, but I hadn't revealed any interest in him, so it was safe for us to stay the course and develop a friendship. He's been a good friend ever since. He even called me his "Muse," once! Gotta admit, I liked hearing that.
For a while, we had a tradition of meeting for Taco Tuesdays. Tuesdays were his day off from work and, although he hailed from Iowa, he LOVED tacos (who doesn't?). We were determined to seek out and try as many taco joints as we could find. We even tried to start a Weird Movie Night at my place about once a month, but it didn't take off -- one friend ghosted us, another had a heart attack (he survived, but had to take things easy), and it seemed awkward for it to just be Donovan and me. Still, thanks to the few Weird Movie Nights we DID have, I got to see "Zardoz" (I may never forgive him), but I failed to make him watch "Logan's Run."
COVID really put a kink in our friendship, and not in a good way. Seeing as how he worked in a medical office, he didn't want to take ANY chances of catching the disease and putting the patients at risk. Understandable. And so, it was two years before we met up again. We kept in touch via text and FB Messenger, but he'd decided to limit his FB interactions, so we had little to talk about. I was trying to keep my film project afloat in a virtual format and he was mostly staying home and staying safe.
Once we did start hanging out again, it was with less regularity than before. Rents were rising like crazy and he was having to take on more overtime hours to pay the bills. Even subsequent raises couldn't keep up. Eventually, he came to the realization that he couldn't afford to live in Austin anymore. He's moving back to Iowa. Today was our last Taco date -- and on a Monday, no less.
I managed not to openly cry during lunch, though I had to choke back the tears more than once. The thought of driving around at night, finding a new taco joint and NOT being able to share it with him is just heartbreaking. Thinking about all the cool places and events in Austin that he never got to experience, that I kept wanting to take him to... it's just not fair! All that time that we could have grown closer -- COVID robbed it from us.
Visiting his apartment for the first time today, he gave me a tour and described the way things WERE laid out before he started to pack -- there were video games EVERYWHERE! My son would have loved that! He also showed me a Phantom of the Opera leatherwork art piece he once made -- I used to play with leatherworking and my daughter has REALLY wanted to learn! More missed opportunities for connection. Yes, I still find him very attractive, but I'm not mourning the chance for romance -- he really did become one of my dearest friends. He was one of the few men I've met who treated me like a PERSON, not a female. He was straightforward and respectful, even when he was telling a dirty joke. Do I wish there could have been more? Sure. Will I miss him any less for lack of it? Not in the least. And I will miss him a lot -- especially after he gave me a parting gift of a miniature knockoff NES for my riders to play in my car. What a thoughtful way of helping me earn better tips!
Fortunately, his brother still lives here, so he'll be back for visits. I've made him promise to give me enough prior notice that I can make time to show him "Logan's Run." Maybe we can even check out one of the Renn Faires within driving distance -- we tried for two years to make that happen. He's never been to one. Maybe he'll get his following back up enough to start going to conventions again and maybe I'll see him at one -- maybe I can convince him to go to AggieCon. I refuse to believe that this friendship is ending. I'll make the effort to keep it alive, if he will. He's just too good of a friend to let slip away.
Still... I'm losing the convenience of a friend and the chance to continue developing a stronger connection, even a platonic one, and in my current state of DESPERATELY craving connections, this really fucking hurts.
I complimented his ring and he told us (as he methodically went through all the paperwork, never missing a beat) that he'd once created a popular web comic and regularly attended fandom and comic conventions. Oh, yes... he was DEFINITELY our people! I noted his name on his uniform and asked a few more questions... as a former legal secretary, I have some MAD "cyber-stalking" skillz. He was very pleasant throughout and I just HAD to get to know him better.
I found him on Facebook almost right away, but I didn't act on it. It was a couple of weeks before I found an excuse to reach out. I reminded him how we met and that I'd been curious about his artwork because my film project was holding a SciFi Poster Contest... would he like to submit a poster? He was intrigued and we became FB friends. His poster wound up winning the contest! By then, we'd gotten a little better acquainted and I'd learned two things about him: 1) what street he lived on (he told me -- no stalking required) and, 2) that he liked to sing Karaoke. I invited him to join some friends and me at my fave Karaoke club, which just happened to be on the street where he lived.
That first night hanging out in a non-professional manner accomplished two things: 1) he discovered that I was several years older than he was (I don't look like I was born in the early 70s) and, 2) he called me his "best friend in Austin." *melt* I later realized that he really preferred to date women who were significantly younger, though still well above 18. I was disappointed, but I hadn't revealed any interest in him, so it was safe for us to stay the course and develop a friendship. He's been a good friend ever since. He even called me his "Muse," once! Gotta admit, I liked hearing that.
For a while, we had a tradition of meeting for Taco Tuesdays. Tuesdays were his day off from work and, although he hailed from Iowa, he LOVED tacos (who doesn't?). We were determined to seek out and try as many taco joints as we could find. We even tried to start a Weird Movie Night at my place about once a month, but it didn't take off -- one friend ghosted us, another had a heart attack (he survived, but had to take things easy), and it seemed awkward for it to just be Donovan and me. Still, thanks to the few Weird Movie Nights we DID have, I got to see "Zardoz" (I may never forgive him), but I failed to make him watch "Logan's Run."
COVID really put a kink in our friendship, and not in a good way. Seeing as how he worked in a medical office, he didn't want to take ANY chances of catching the disease and putting the patients at risk. Understandable. And so, it was two years before we met up again. We kept in touch via text and FB Messenger, but he'd decided to limit his FB interactions, so we had little to talk about. I was trying to keep my film project afloat in a virtual format and he was mostly staying home and staying safe.
Once we did start hanging out again, it was with less regularity than before. Rents were rising like crazy and he was having to take on more overtime hours to pay the bills. Even subsequent raises couldn't keep up. Eventually, he came to the realization that he couldn't afford to live in Austin anymore. He's moving back to Iowa. Today was our last Taco date -- and on a Monday, no less.
I managed not to openly cry during lunch, though I had to choke back the tears more than once. The thought of driving around at night, finding a new taco joint and NOT being able to share it with him is just heartbreaking. Thinking about all the cool places and events in Austin that he never got to experience, that I kept wanting to take him to... it's just not fair! All that time that we could have grown closer -- COVID robbed it from us.
Visiting his apartment for the first time today, he gave me a tour and described the way things WERE laid out before he started to pack -- there were video games EVERYWHERE! My son would have loved that! He also showed me a Phantom of the Opera leatherwork art piece he once made -- I used to play with leatherworking and my daughter has REALLY wanted to learn! More missed opportunities for connection. Yes, I still find him very attractive, but I'm not mourning the chance for romance -- he really did become one of my dearest friends. He was one of the few men I've met who treated me like a PERSON, not a female. He was straightforward and respectful, even when he was telling a dirty joke. Do I wish there could have been more? Sure. Will I miss him any less for lack of it? Not in the least. And I will miss him a lot -- especially after he gave me a parting gift of a miniature knockoff NES for my riders to play in my car. What a thoughtful way of helping me earn better tips!
Fortunately, his brother still lives here, so he'll be back for visits. I've made him promise to give me enough prior notice that I can make time to show him "Logan's Run." Maybe we can even check out one of the Renn Faires within driving distance -- we tried for two years to make that happen. He's never been to one. Maybe he'll get his following back up enough to start going to conventions again and maybe I'll see him at one -- maybe I can convince him to go to AggieCon. I refuse to believe that this friendship is ending. I'll make the effort to keep it alive, if he will. He's just too good of a friend to let slip away.
Still... I'm losing the convenience of a friend and the chance to continue developing a stronger connection, even a platonic one, and in my current state of DESPERATELY craving connections, this really fucking hurts.